Title - Kevin Michael Vance - writer/musician/purveyor of raw materials
Kevin Michael Vance
Writer - Portland, Oregon

When creating this spot for my web page I was trying to think of how I might best not come off as the biggest buffoon on the forehead of this great, big, planet. Then I realized something... I am human. For me this bespeaks volumes. It means that I am fallible, that I am not perfect. I have made mistakes, am making mistakes even as I write this, and will, inevitably, make mistakes in the future. When I wax romantically about myself and my role in this cosmic-shit tub we all dubiously call life I like to think of myself as the warrior- strong, loyal, full of discipline and honor. In reality, there are parts of me that follow those codes, but more to the point, I am a worker, and very proud of that. I finish what I start. I relish the journey. And I live... as well as any white heterosexual male could hope to live in this world of skewed ideals and twisted attitudes.

Suffice it to say, here within these "random thoughts" I will contradict myself, I will be wrong in some points and right in others, and I will make mistakes. However, as always, I hope in a small way that you, the reader, might garner a modicum of enjoyment.

Hell! I know I do.

December 29, 2019
Moving forward...

... out of darkness, and into the gloom.

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December 28, 2019
The Lovely Land of Television...



Forgive me.  I feel it incumbent to "geek-out" just a little bit, thus quelling any foreseen and unforeseen problems, and to set the record straight.

I've been watching netflix's "The Witcher".  I have some problems with the show right off the bat.  I'm 5 episodes in and there has been no effort on either the writers or the director to do any world building.  We are catapulted into this fantasy land and I know nothing: I don't know where "Nilfgaard" is or "Rivia" or "Cintra", there's a bunch of guilds and I know next to nothing about them, Geralt of Rivia is a mutant who has been bred to be a "Witcher" and again... I have no context whatsoever.  Elves are also considered second-class citizens and I know not why.  The dialogue is mostly hackneyed lazy crap, with Geralt's character especially poorly written as he pronounces- almost as if I'm watching Steve Buscemi in "Fargo"- quite dumbly, "Awww fuck."  The costuming is sometimes laughable.  You've Henry Cavell... a man who's in incredible shape, covered up by leather armor poorly fitted.

But all of that is "window-dressing".  What I really want to vent about is them referring to Geralt as "The White Wolf".  That is complete and utter plagiarism.  There is but one "White Wolf" and he is, indeed, Elric of Melnibone, Emperor of the Dreaming City of Immyr.  For Christ's Sake!  The third book in the Elric saga is entitled, "The Weird of the White Wolf".  Nothing could make me like the series less than this egregious facsimile.

Below is Geralt of Rivia... the Witcher and "White Wolf" imposter.

Above are five renditions of the true and only "White Wolf".  Three of the amazing depictions of Elric are by the AMAZING Michael Whelan, of whom I've been a fan for over 30 years.  (I remember picking out books solely on the merit that Mr. Whelan had painted the cover art.)  The third is painted by Doug Beekman.  And the fourth is by a freelance artist by the name of Carlos "Kamyu" Diaz Asenjo.

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December 19, 2019
The Horror of Twenty First Century Life...

So... I'm walking to work the other day because my intelligently-challenged sub-human woefully inadequate "Property Manager" decided to unnecessarily mess with the parking spaces in our lot and cause an immeasurably petty row to the point where I have to leave my car in its designated spot for fear one of my intelligently-challenged inconsiderate neighbors will steal it.  When I walk past a girl- headphones plugged into her ear canals, eyes downcast into the glittering screen of her phone. 

She proceeds to smack her head on a low tree branch, because, of course, she's not looking where she's going.  She cries out in alarm.  Glares at the offensive limb.  And then continues down the sidewalk, eyes stapled to her phone, ears hearing nothing but what the machine is telling her... oblivious... ignorant... dare I say, stupid.

A great part of me wants nothing more to do with this ludicrous society and culture, and their insipid need and desire to embrace "Big Brother"


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November 26, 2019
The City of Portland, Oregon.

Anyone who has lived in Portland, OR for more than ten years has witnessed its steady inevitable decline into what could only be described as "third-world" territory.  All one has to do is look around and wonder... what the hell happened?  There are tenement cities everywhere: camping tents on every sidewalk, filth littering the streets, the insane, drug-addicted, and drunken humanity uncared for and unwanted walking the boulevards and back alleys like filthy, urine reeking zombies.  I have never made any strong claims of love concerning my sodden city.  It is, in fact, just a city, but it has been good to me, in its own twisted way.  However, for the past couple of decades or so it has been changing, irrevocably and horribly.  What once was a city with a unique feel and flavor all its own, is now just another California transplant, riddled with uninspiring architecture, uninspired citizens, and a lackluster social scene dominated by out-of-staters and miscreants who would rather change the neighborhood to suit them than shut up and acclimate.  This is nothing new.  It is a problem infecting most major cities in the country.  But its insidious viciousness is no less felt by your humble, if not opinionated, narrator. 

However, I learned something the other day about the city in which I try to live with honor and decency that made me want to puke.  So, not only do we have the worst drivers in the nation; according to Quote Wizard, which looked at four factors: speeding tickets, DUI's, traffic crashes, and other traffic violations.  It also turns out that it's legal to poop on Portland city streets. 

Fucking disgusting!

Portland.  Now, not only do your drivers suck, but you will also be considered, by anyone and everyone, to be the most foul-smelling and disgusting city in the country.

Hope all'a you who think this is okay are proud.  Good on ya'.  Now Portland's a health hazard.


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