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September 03, 2005 Divorce. No longer a foreign word. My marriage is over. The woman to whom I had pledged my love and my life has abandoned me.Basically, she ran out, without a word or even barely a glance back. She ran out on her commitment to me and in the process, broke every promise she had ever made. I am alone. I thought, I mean… I truly and with every fiber of my being believed, that I had found the person with whom I would forever share my life. It's a stark, painful lesson, but one that obviously had to be learned, yet again- nothing ever lasts. Difficult, especially now, to believe humanity has any capacity for truth and honesty. Impossible to think that it was nothing more than a lie. When I commit to something I commit one hundred percent, there is no complacency in me… it is all or nothing. I thought I had found some one who had that same strength, that same courage. I was wrong. The cowardice that it took for her to just… "up and leave" is staggering. I have always admitted to not being the brightest star in the night sky, but even I thought that she had more courage than that. After five years, five years of what, to me, appeared as good years, her love, her respect for me and our marriage was so intense that she didn't even bother speaking to me face to face, she divorced me over the phone! She has wounded me more than any other person I have ever allowed into my life has. Furthermore, she has wounded my family- good people whose trust and respect for her she has thrown to the floor and shattered, like a fragile wine glass. How can she be so selfish? How can she be so… self-motivated and cruel? I will probably never know, and at this point, I really don't fucking care. This "woman" (and I use that term extremely loosely) has shown her true colors. Granted, it took her five years to do it, but… better now than ten years later, or even twenty. I never thought I'd be writing these things down, or thinking these thoughts, but here I am, and thus I write. She is finished with me now, as I am with her, only a ghost of a warm form that had occupied my bed for five years, the wraith of memories forever tarnished, forever marred, forever dead. I am betrayed. My family is betrayed. And we were, all of us, betrayed by the very person to which, my family, and I and friends gave our hearts and minds, fully and completely. [Add Comment] [View Comments] 8 |
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