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September 23, 2007 A good day... Today was nice. Today was a good day, a quiet day. Introspection and remembrance jockeyed for dominance in my addled brain right along side images of another world, and another commitment I am about to make.I am alone, but am I lonely? I always used to take pride in the fact that I could answer that question with a resounding no. Now, I am not so sure. I tasted something, a life I was more than proud to call my own. I survive, now, as best I can, searching for happiness and a modicum of success in this new life, while at the same time, attempting to remember the good, and forget the bad (the latter proving to be more difficult than I ever believed possible). Sometimes it's difficult to face, but I was happy with "her". Funny. After all this time- two years and counting- the memory of her face, her smile is so easily imagined. I am almost afraid when this will not be so easy, and yet yearn for the day, the hour, the minute when it is over and I can truly say goodbye. Even now, the memory of my old life, my old love fades with the dawning of each new day, and I'm left with the thought, "what am I possibly capable of?" "Can I love, yet again?" "Do I have that sort of courage?" The answers to these three questions are as yet, unknown to me. I am not unhappy, and yet, I am not entirely happy. I am eager to start the work that is bullying away all other thoughts in my head. Eager to find out, truly, whom these characters are, the unique individuals that slowly surface like strange amphibians in the cool waters of my subconscious; maybe in so doing, I'll realize my own potential, and find the courage I seek. Not sure really what to do next. But I do know that I am more than ready to step forward, and start anew. It's taken me awhile. Then again, it's always taken me just a little bit longer than everyone else. [Add Comment] [View Comment] |
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