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www.kevacho.com
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Kevin Michael Vance
Writer - Portland, Oregon
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July 28, 2008
Living
One of the greatest things about a good book, or a good movie is its ability to inspire belief, and to foster something so fragile and seemingly intangible as hope.
I do not have a belief system to which I desperately cling in times of trauma or grief. And there is a small part of me that wishes I did. I find that I am two parts of a man. One: an intellect that rebels against common thoughts and accepted themes; a man that strives to go his own way and make his own mark, no matter how small or fleeting that mark may be. And two: a boy- scared, alone, and yearning- yearning to believe. I like the thought of such poetic meanderings as love, that two people, no matter how far flung, no matter how different can find commonality and endearing acceptance within each other, huddled tightly inside a warm, naked embrace. I enjoy musing upon such aspects as fate and unity and a power gazing down upon me; a power greater than my own that would guide me to places I must go, things I must see, and people whom I must meet. However, I have seen much in my time on this earth. I have seen love destroyed, and hope dashed and shattered against cold, stone, walls. I have seen dreams broken and burned, and I have seen happiness and contentment as fleeting as breath, and as delicate as paper statues. I have seen death in a grown man's eyes. Not some contrite dramatic demise, but the creeping death of still life, the death of desire and effort. And it tears me apart inside. Still - with all that I've seen and done (compared to some I have done nothing, while in the eyes of others I have lived ten lives all ready) - no matter how difficult I find the hour, the day, the month, the year to be -- still I yearn. I yearn to be part of something bigger than my self; to leave something worthy in all this effluvium of life; even if it is only something worthy of entertaining.
One thing I have learned is that life is not like a good book or a good movie. No matter how much I wish it would be. But there are parts of it that are.
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