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August 29, 2003 Seemingly... all alone... I find people strange. (Anyone who has read my Random Thought's knows this far too well.)More often than not people... humans, if you will, are a disappointment. I'm not saying I am better than any one person. However, I am saying that I aspire to a very high purpose and direction. A purpose I myself designed, for me and me alone. This purpose was and is my creation, born upon my thoughts and dreams, fueled by my strength and my discipline. It is not so much a doctrine or a manifesto spawned by other people, to which I cling through blind faith or stupid ignorance, as it is "the way", my way, and or, a way of living my life. The way of the Warrior. Do you see what I'm saying? Mine and mine alone. My ideals, my thoughts, my courage, my weakness, my integrity, my cowardice, and my truth... mine. I make the mistakes. I pay the consequences. I accept the responsibility, and I receive the glory (if there's any glory at all to be had). Now, regularly, and at great intervals, I fail to reach this height I have set for myself (wherein my arrogance is leveled and my humility that much more strengthened). However, I strive every single god damn day to reach these heights, these goals, these paths that I have set myself upon. Some days are better than others. So, in me saying these things, you should be able to garner at least one truth as it pertains to me and all that I am worth. I make mistakes. But I try. Which, in a long, round-about way brings me to my point. It appears as if my disappointment as it regards to the swarming flow of the majority of humanity hinges upon that one truth- there are so many people who clearly do not try... have never tried... nor ever will try. This alone is unforgivable. Effort is what makes us who we are. It is what differentiates us from all other living organisms (or viruses, as the case may be). It is what makes us great, what makes us intelligent. It is what causes us to succeed and to fail; albeit, even in failing under the wing of effort there is some modicum of success to be had. A woman asked me today how I stayed so calm and patient in work. I told her it was through years of practice. (I've been in my current job, nigh 8 years!) She looked at me strangely, as if trying to discern my inner being, trying to probe the sloppy workings of my existential soul, and then she proceeded to ask me if I was affiliated with any sort of spiritual teachings. I proudly said, no. She gave me another look, one that was filled with astonishment. And proceeded to reply, with much chagrin and awe, "really". This, in a sense, is what I'm talking about. This woman looked at me- a 34 year old man reacting to a chaotic, insane situation (that situation being work) with a patience and serenity belying his few years on the planet- and she could not believe, or even comprehend, that I could not have the reaction I did without the basis of some preconceived truth or "spiritual teaching". Furthermore, that I didn't "believe" in some antiquated notion of some higher power or banal spiritual force, that I had to believe in such a notion to react as I did, or to be a well-rounded, good person, was near to impossible in her eyes. You must realize, I have been queried before, when asked whether or not I believed in Jesus or God, how I, your humble narrator, could be good if I did not believe in Jesus or God. Seriously! This woman at work had no wherewithal, no whit or wisdom, to understand that I was strong, made even stronger by the force of my own beliefs, my own morality, my own ideals; regardless of whether or not they were similar or even dissimilar to any of the organized or unorganized faiths, and or, religions out there. As I said, all this has happened to me before. When "they" ask, do I "believe", as always, I reply in the same forthright manner with a resounding, NO! You see I have probably fought harder and longer for my own beliefs than any preacher, shaman, prophet, or priest. My family is very religious. I love them very, very much, but at times, this... impasse has created much tension and many problems. True, now my family lives with a base sense of respect for everyone. Nevertheless, this respect was not easily made or created. I fought, as did- and this is to their credit and strength- my family, each of us with our own thoughts and opinions, each of us stubborn and adamant. In the end, it worked out. They respect me. I respect them. This took years, and it was not easy. Therefore, as I see it, the main problem with the majority of religions is that they can't see past their own pedantic teachings to realize that there could be other mindsets, other consciousnesses, other teachings that have as much validity as their own. This is especially true for Catholicism- which I claim to know much more about than any other religion, seeing as how I was born and raised a Catholic. This impasse is what destroys families, ruins relationships, and hurts the bonds of friendship. As far as I'm concerned, my thoughts and beliefs have as much credence as any one of the major religions. On the same token that means Buddhism is just as applicable as Hinduism, Mormons have just as many rights as Catholics, and Christians are just as valid as Baptists. I know this is shocking and radical to some, but I find it very arrogant and patronizing when a person can stand their and say to me that their belief system is more compelling, more true than my own, or someone else's. Thus, we have, yet again, the impasse. This is the difference between myself, and those who profess to know the truth. I can admit, and readily do so at the rare times when I'm not being bull-stubborn, that I don't know the truth. None of us do. To say so, to acknowledge that one has the insight and wisdom enough to divine the ultimate truth, is both condescending and patronizing in the extreme. True wisdom comes from knowing you do not know everything. To think you do is ludicrous. I have my beliefs. I do not force them on others, either willingly or unwillingly. I created them through years of thought and watchfulness. Strength. Effort. Discipline. These are the watchwords of a warrior. These are what I aspire to. These are what inspire me. The mind and heart comprise the pages of my bible. Moreover, my only god is imagination, my only heaven... is the love I feel for Mel. To take these things away, to make them not human qualities, but divine ones, lessens their effect, causes them to be either sinful parts of us, or quite possibly ethreal things unattainable... at least in this life. [Add Comment] 0 Comments |
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