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August 16, 2003 PRETEXT In the pantheon of lame excuses, this one takes the proverbial and much contrite cake.The copiers I work with have a "touch screen". To operate a copier, either Cannon or Xerox, one must touch said screen. This effort is as facile as it comes. No unnecessary pressure need be applied. This takes no incredible feats of strength, nor does it require any massive amount of intelligence. As a matter of fact, one could do this minus four of our five major senses. Albeit, the majority of my customers find it difficult to comprehend a "touch-tone-phone" let alone the "Star Trek-like", otherworldly technology of a… GASP!… a "touch screen". (You must remember something; I've stopped referring to the "Start" button as the "Start" button because it confuses people too much. It is now commonly known as the BIG GREEN BUTTON.) Therefore, with this in mind, I went to help a female customer. She seemed hesitant, even reticent to touch the screen. I prodded her forward, saying, "No worries. It's easy. Simply touch the screen." She proceeded to comment, "just you do it.": gazing apprehensively at the "touch screen" as if it might, at any moment, burst into hellfire flames. When I told her that I was here to help her, not, mind you, do the copies for her. She began whining like a two year old (if I were asked to guess, I would have clocked her at around mid-forties to early fifties). Then she said, "can't you help me?" I told her I was helping her; but that she would have to touch the "dreaded" touch screen herself. At this point, (and I wouldn't lie to you about this) she turned to me, frowned, and said- with a face as serious as crib death- "I can't do it. I have asthma." Now, for any one out there afflicted with this debilitating disease, I truly am sorry. I for one, also suffer from asthma. But come on… for the sake of all warriors and workers throughout the known world… asthma does not effect your ability to point your index finger, reach out your trembling arm, and touch, very gently, a god-damn-shit-suckin'-unable-to-hurt-maim-or-kill-innocuous-non-invasive-copy machine so blessedly simple a four year old child could activate it. [Add Comment] 0 Comments |
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