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www.kevacho.com
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Kevin Michael Vance
Writer - Portland, Oregon
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March 27, 2006
Coming to terms.
I've been thinking a lot about relationships. Specifically, a relationship as it concerns intimacy between two mature adults. (It's hard not to, when you consider only a few months ago I was happily ensconced within what I assumed, as well as my family and friends, was a healthy and honest relationship.)
Something struck me, as I was waiting for my dear friend Ian to pick me up so we could go to breakfast at Wild Abandon (one of the best breakfast spots here in Portland). I have always thought, and still do to this day, that people, are relatively simple. The irony being that it's people… human beings, who are the first to unnecessarily complicate matters (anyone who has ever given themselves entirely to another person knows this far too well). Regardless, the fact remains… people, inherently, are simple. In a sense, when we as a race of mammals search for a relationship, or whatever you might call it, I think we're all basically looking for the same thing; and that is someone who will readily tell us that "it" will all be okay. "It", of course, being life and struggle and defeat and rejection. This… ideal is just a maturation of the same need we searched for, as children, from those people who unwittingly or not, will forever remain our parents.
I wonder, sometimes, what it is I miss, if anything, about being with someone. For me it's that simple, even primeval, validation that life is not totally and completely out of our control (which it most assuredly is), that there is some light at the end of the long and arduous tunnel. Little surprise, really, if you consider that my life since the sudden and inexplicable death of my marriage has been a series of rejections and disappointments. And yet I strive onward… even as the pile of rejection letters grows taller, even though this town seemingly devoid of any and all honest work, appearing as a vacuous hole of miscreants and malcontents, throws wall after wall after wall in my face, my fingers and toes bloody and torn from climbing; seeing my life as others might see it, in a new light, again becoming comfortable with the fact that I am alone, and yet, not lonely. Life now is an attempt to find that validation within my own heart and mind. Learning is the key. Compromise the answer, and adaptability the secret. Change is a constant; nature teaches this to us… time and time again.
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