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Kevin Michael Vance
Writer - Portland, Oregon
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Title: SALT
Director: Phillip Noyce
Year: 2010
Reviewed: January 08, 2011
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Rice Cake-Lowest Rating |
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And then there was "Salt". "Salt" is horrific. "Salt" is the sort of movie that I want to turn off after the first five minutes. The screenplay and story is laughable: a sleeper Soviet agent is reactivated for an assassination attempt on the Russian president. I mean, really -- who signs off on this shit? The direction is appalling, however, when you have such a crappy screenplay, maybe the direction isn't to blame. Suffice it to say, the director has Jolie flying through the air on wires and doing all this ludicrous action. She looks all of ninety pounds socking wet and she's "football" tackling guys who have at least a hundred pounds on her -- maybe more! And speaking of Jolie, she used to be beautiful, hot, and psycho. Well, she might still be a tad psychotic, but her beauty has faded, and her "hotness" has cooled, nay, frozen. It is unfortunate to me (being that I am a healthy, heterosexual man) to witness the path Hollywood women have taken to achieve what they believe to be beauty. Teri Hatcher, Angelina Jolie, and my all time favorite, Jennifer Connelly have all gone the route of too many gym hours, and too little food, transforming their once voluptuous, sensual bodies into "ripped" skeletons more akin to seven year old boys than grown women. Jolie runs and stumbles through "Salt" like an ambulatory bone woman, her cheekbones so gaunt and angular they look as if they might at any moment tear skin.
"Salt" is, as stated above, ridiculous. Angelina has proven herself to be a competent actress but "Salt" is not her greatest moment.
I give "Salt" a RICE CAKE review.
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