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Kevin Michael Vance
Writer - Portland, Oregon
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Title: THE TOURIST
Director: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck
Year: 2010
Reviewed: May 29, 2011
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Rice Cake-Lowest Rating |
[Rating Definitions]
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"The Tourist" -- quite literally, one of the most boring movies I have ever had the displeasure to sit through. There is, in fact, nothing of value to this film. The acting, albeit supported by what would appear to be a rather good cast (barring Jolie, maybe), is banal and dispassionate. The direction is lazy and forcibly slow. The script, simply enough, is asinine. The cinematography, which was mainly shot in Venice, Italy, had the same lassitude from which the direction most evidently suffered. And the script -- oh heavens! -- the poor, tired, worthless script. The lines were beyond uninspiring, and the actors seemed to deliver them directly after they had glanced at the clock. Depp and Jolie were supposed to have had chemistry, but the only thing reacting to their cold and clumsy advances was the ire in the back of my throat. Jolie, at one time a unique, albeit bat-shit-crazy, beauty, resembled a gaunt skull shoved upon a network of chopsticks, which happen to be her emaciated body. She glides through the film lifeless and ghostly, a mannequin magically brought to life. Meanwhile, Depp smirks and stumbles around set, doing another turn as "Ichabod Crane" with half the likeability and half the charm.
Suffice it to say, "The Tourist" receives my lowest review -- RICE CAKE REVIEW. Don't make the same mistake I did and rent it because it appeared to be the only movie I hadn't already seen at the "Red Box". Steer clear of "The Tourist", as you would naturally steer clear of any and all sequels to "Twilight". Remember, it's not just the directors name that is messed up -- it's the entire film.
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