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©2002-2024
Kevin Michael Vance
Writer - Portland, Oregon
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Title: The Matrix Reloaded
Director: Andy & Larry Wachowski
Year: 2003
Reviewed: April 20, 2004
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Rice Cake-Lowest Rating |
[Rating Definitions]
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All right folks… what the hell happened here?
I loved, and still love, The Matrix.
Granted, The Matrix is about as derivative as they come.
However, it was fun and entertaining, and- barring the puppet-like Kung Fu, monotone performance, and dead visage of Keanu (Canoe) Reeves- there were some fine performances; namely by Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss, and Hugo Weaving.
So… what in the blazes happened to Matrix Reloaded?
I give Matrix Reloaded a RICE CAKE review.
This movie is all sorts of bad- wrapped up in a pseudo-god-like-coming-of-age, philosophical wanna-be diatribe of… what, exactly, I do not know. (Now, for those of you who happen to consider my intelligence on a par with P.E. Teachers; I'll have you know, I, your humble narrator, have been rejected by some of the finest literary magazines this country has to offer. So there!) Suffice it to say; I did not understand Matrix Reloaded. And this is not because I am found lacking in regards to my mental capacity; Matrix Reloaded is simply… incomprehensible (as is the equally incomprehensible Matrix Revolutions). Furthermore, it is boring. Boring! (You might exclaim, then again, maybe you might not, which would then cause my use of a second person narrative rather nonsensical.) In any case, Matrix Reloaded is boring. At one point they even sit down, yes, I said, "they sit down- and when I say "they", I am referring specifically to the main characters- and what do they do… you may ask? Do they fight? Do they battle? Do they jump in their fancy flying machines and spray bright, pretty lasers at each other? Do they hem and haw, and banter bellicosely until the tension is too unbearable to even conceive? No. They sit and talk, like so many good-natured chaps in tight fitting latex and cool shades. They yammer on and on about the matrix and some inconceivably ill-conceived mythology, which the Wachowski brothers are so inexpertly hammering out. Basically, it is what they call in the film business, exposition. A scene in which a character is explaining what is going on or why things are proceeding as they are, or even why someone is acting like they are. Remember The Matrix? You know that scene with Neo and Morpheus, where Neo is learning Kung Fu, and Morpheus is attempting to enlighten him about the physics of the matrix; how things work? Well, that is an expository scene. I might add, a deftly directed and choreographed expository scene, but an expository scene nonetheless. That, my friends, is how you do an expository scene.
Seeing characters sitting down and talking in a "supposed" action movie is not just boring, it is bad directing and even worse, bad writing.
By the time Neo was saving Trinity and the world was kind-of collapsing in upon itself I was wondering when Martin would finish his third book in the "Song of Ice and Fire" series and hoping that the feeling would return to my knees.
Boring.
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