|
www.kevacho.com
©2002-2024
Kevin Michael Vance
Writer - Portland, Oregon
|
|
|
Go Back To Reviews
Title: TWILIGHT
Director: Catherine Hardwicke
Year: 2008
Reviewed: May 04, 2009
| Rating: |
|
 | |
 | |
| |
| |
Rice Cake-Lowest Rating |
[Rating Definitions]
|
|
|
It was my painful misfortune to have sat through as many minutes as this movie possessed, attempting to find solace in the depths of my cold ale. However, there was no solace to be had regarding the vivid pile of filth that was Twilight.
I could go on a thousand-word diatribe describing the horrid qualities of this film. I could tell you that I have seen better make up, better acting, better production, direction, screen writing, and set design in grade school plays. I could let you know there is not even a frame of film that warrants anything BUT derision.
Rather than do those things, dear reader, I'll keep it simple. Twilight sucks. If I had a review lower than a RICE CAKE review, it would most assuredly receive that.
Do yourself a favor - do not see Twilight. If you must, go see any of the Underworlds', maybe Lost Boys. You could also peruse netflix or your local video haunt and try and find Near Dark. Nevertheless, don't, for the love of all that is toothy and bloody and sexy in the vampire world, see Twilight.
(Granted, as we determined at work, if you happen to be a 15-year-old girl who shops at Hot Topic, you very well might like Twilight. Considering I am not, nor ever have been or will be, thankfully, a "15-year-old girl who shops at Hot Topic" I stand by my review.)
|
|
