STAY THE FIGHT! STRENGTH, EFFORT, AND DISCIPLINE. THESE ARE THE WATCH WORDS OF A WARRIOR -- Kevin Michael Vance
Title - Kevin Michael Vance - writer/musician/purveyor of raw materials
STAY THE FIGHT! STRENGTH, EFFORT, AND DISCIPLINE. THESE ARE THE WATCH WORDS OF A WARRIOR -- Kevin Michael Vance
STAY THE FIGHT! STRENGTH, EFFORT, AND DISCIPLINE. THESE ARE THE WATCH WORDS OF A WARRIOR -- Kevin Michael Vance

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Kevin Michael Vance
Writer - Portland, Oregon


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Title: SOMEWHERE
Director: Sofia Coppola
Year: 2010
Reviewed: June 01, 2011

Rating:   Rice Cake-Lowest Rating
[Rating Definitions]

  SOMEWHERE

Here we have the movie, "Somewhere". As I have stated many, many times before two of the worst qualities a film can possess is the act of being pretentious and to be boring. "Somewhere" was both, yet on a scale that even rivals the moronic, conceited bullshit Gus Van Sant has been cranking out recently. Sofia Coppola can direct. I loved "Lost in Translation". However, "Lost in Translation" had the added benefit of Bill Murray, whose very presence in a film seems to elevate it to something more akin to art. "Somewhere" is simply pathetic; it is like background music that has no influence other than to annoy. Watching Stephen Dorf drink beer and stare at a pear is not art, it is not profound or riveting or disgusting -- quite simply, it is boring. "Somewhere" is a complete waste of time, and the lack of any real script lends to the movie a forced air of superiority. The acting is stunted, the dialogue inane, the direction clumsy, the character structure non-existent - not to mention the fact that there is no cinematography to even speak of. I left the movie before it ended. This is crap on a golden platter presenting its self as Belgian milk chocolate. But anyone with a pair of eyes and ears can see it for what it is -- a steaming pile of shit plucked from the coddled ass of a little girl whose daddy is very wealthy and very influential.

Suffice it to say, "Somewhere" get my lowest review, a RICE CAKE review.
   



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