STAY THE FIGHT! STRENGTH, EFFORT, AND DISCIPLINE. THESE ARE THE WATCH WORDS OF A WARRIOR -- Kevin Michael Vance
Title - Kevin Michael Vance - writer/musician/purveyor of raw materials
STAY THE FIGHT! STRENGTH, EFFORT, AND DISCIPLINE. THESE ARE THE WATCH WORDS OF A WARRIOR -- Kevin Michael Vance
STAY THE FIGHT! STRENGTH, EFFORT, AND DISCIPLINE. THESE ARE THE WATCH WORDS OF A WARRIOR -- Kevin Michael Vance

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Kevin Michael Vance
Writer - Portland, Oregon


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Title: I AM LEGEND
Director: Francis Lawrence
Year: 2007
Reviewed: December 27, 2007

Rating:   Rice Cake-Lowest Rating
[Rating Definitions]

  I AM LEGEND

"I am Legend" is one of the most depressing movies ever made. I'm torn between reviews. Part of me wants to give a RICE CAKE review, and another part of me wants to give it a BIRTHDAY CAKE review.

Why? You may ask, is "I am Legend" depressing? Well, funny you should ask. I'll to you why, because "I am Legend" could have been one of the most entertaining, most fun Action/Adventure/Sci-Fi movie to come along since "Batman Begins". It could have been great. I might have adored the movie. But it wasn't, and I didn't, because of one simple thing- an acronym, three letters: C.G.I.; which mean- Computer Generated Image.

Will Smith was wonderful. His depiction of loneliness scratching the very fabric of madness, his love, and fear for his only friend, his dog Samantha, his realism and believability, was palpable. The scenes of desolation were good. The fright was well done. The whole movies was fabulous; up until the point some dunderhead (I put the blame directly on the director's shoulders) decided to make the monsters (in the book they're vampires, in the movie they're infected humans) C.-FREAKIN'-G.I.! Now, not only did the director take the cheap, easy, lazy way out, but he seemed to have employed the worst effects shop in the history of all movie making. I mean, the monsters may as well have been Scooby and Scrappy Doo they looked so God Damn "cartoony". All the realism that had been adroitly built up in the first half of the movie, all the terror, danger, and tension, had been instantly destroyed when these bumbling cartoon creatures stepped into frame. I think back on some of my favorite movies; movies like "Blade Runner", "Alien" and "Aliens", "The Thing"; think back on how incredible those films were, and still are. Imagine "Aliens" if it had been today. I guaran-damn-tee they would make the Queen a bloody C.G.I. monster, and movie history would never have such a wonderfully crafted, beautiful really, Alien Queen. I will never understand how a director can make such a monumentally stupid decision, as Francis Lawrence did in "I am Legend", and make his human monsters C.G.I. For Christ's sake, they're infected humans! No freakin' dragons the size of a 747! Prosthetic's, and monster making, are better than they ever have been; just look at the two "Under World" movies, "Hell Boy", all the "Lord of the Rings" movies.

For shame, Francis Lawrence. You could have had a film that would be a timeless testament to your artistry and craft. Instead, you come off as a cheap hack.

"I am Legend" gets my worst review, a RICE CAKE review.
   



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